The February 2008 issue of Reader’s Digest is out already. There’s a great make-you-think article written by Cynthia Dermody called "Words to Inspire; 7 things you should say to your kids — and 7 things you shouldn’t."
How can parents (or anyone who interacts with kids) communicate, offer feedback, be constructive without sounding condescending or insensitive?
It’s not an easy task, to which any parent or teacher can attest. Dermody offers the observation that "Your child may not hear the words you’re sure you sad."
Sound familiar?
This Reader’s Digest article offers a bit of helpful advice. Here are 7 suggestions to better communication with kids:
(Of course, you’ll have to get your own copy of Reader’s Digest to go beyond this simple bulletted list, but hopefully this snippet reveals the power of a small shift in how we word things and the impact of that small shift on the self-esteem and development of a child, teen or young adult.)
- You Say: "You’re the best." They Hear: "Your job in life is to make me happy." Better: "You should be proud of how hard you worked."
- You Say: "Watch your language." They Hear: "I’ve turned out what you’re really trying to say." Better: "I’m so glad you came to talk to me, but I have one request for the future. I find that word offensive, so please don’t use it."
- You Say: "We can’t afford that." They Hear: "Money is the answer to everything." Better: "The store is filled with great things today, but we’ve got lots at home already and we’re not going to bring home anything more."
- You Say: "Don’t worry — it’ll be okay." They Hear: "You’re such drama queen!" Better: "I totally understand what you must have gone through. Tell me about it."
- You Say: "Don’t talk to strangers." They Hear: "Anyone you don’t know is trying to hurt you." Better: "Don’t talk to people who make you feel uncomfortable. Here’s how to tell."
- You Say: "Make sure you share." They Hear: "Give away your stuff." Better: "Jesse would like to play with your race car for a while, but it’s still yours and he will give it back."
- You Say: "Why did you (miss your curfew, hit your sister, etc.)?" They Hear: "You messed up again." Better: "My guess is that you missed your curfew because you were having fun and didn’t want to come home, but tha’s still not okay."
Of course, these are not perfect. For example, the "better" example in number 1 seems to equate doing your best and doing well with working hard, or that only by working hard can success be obtained.
Perhaps an even better response might be something like "You should be very proud of what you accomplished."
What do you think? How important are the words we say to kids and how we say them?
Do these examples from Reader’s Digest really offer a better way to inspire our children?
